mom

If she were still here things would be different. I would walk into a clean, uncluttered house. As it is now it looks like someone picked the wooden structure up and tipped it upside down. The only evidence of dirt would be the dust that settled on the furniture, as neat as mom was she was blind to dust. I would mark certain items with my stubby finger, "Dust me." No, I wouldn't do the chore for her, she didn't work outside the home and I had lots to do,ride my bike, visit friends, roam the nieghborhood for mischief,ect. When she died dad placed her ashes (in a box of course) on his dresser. Dust layered this box almost instantly. I let it stay there as a reminder of mom's inefficiency and occassionally spelled "dust me" on her remains! It seems kind of ironic that a non duster should "become" dust!

If she were still here there wouldn't be cat food dishes by the toaster or microwave. No cats would be above floor level in her home, unless of coarse, they were in the custody of a human lap. All food dishes would be discarded when animal feeding time was over, they would not accumalate on the floors or counters. The words cats and dogs would not exist. One cat, one dog. The limit. No argument. No discussion. As it is now, three dogs and cats too numerous to tally exist in this house.

If she were still here there would be no locked doors on any room in her house. There would also be no one to lock the doors. My son and his wife would be forced to own or rent their own domicile instead of inhabiting a room with a deadbolt on it for their privacy. Plus if they wanted to continue smoking they would be led to the back door. My dad is a push over. They are there right now to keep him company and make sure he doesn't fall. Mom would see to to his safety if she were still here.. He was her world. She would safe guard him like precious metal. She never let me move in for extended times. I couldn't handle her that long any way. The two of us in one house, not a plesant sight or sound. I'd only be there long enough to get my feet back on the ground. (She would put cement in my shoes so my feet wouldn't leave the ground!!)

If she were still here Holiday meals would be on her,or at least displayed on her apron which served as a sample course. She loved to cook,even if she didn't know how. She learned rapidly after she said "I do." at the ripe age of 36, but she was a simple cook. Holiday meals never varied, the same recipes reserved for the two main holidays, X-mas and Thanksgiving. She would invite "homeless" people to join us along with all the extended family members that travelled to town. It took me years after she passed to realize I could use the same food items any time during the twelve month cycle. There were always home baked treats in the freezer that were continuously in demand, and Sunday meals were nostalgic. There was a daily menu. You knew what each day would bring to the table. She learned what she could cook and seldom deviated from it, this kept our digestive tract quiet.

If she were still here she would revolve her days around cleaning, baking and ironing. I have not seen an ironing board in 19 years, do they still manufacture them? She ironed everything, hankies, dad's boxers, the bed sheets. I think it justified her standing for hours in front of her favorite soaps (that's short for soap operas not detergent.) Nothing was left undone though because of T.V viewing,(except of coarse the afore mentioned dusting!)Bed making was first priority after breakfast,always homecooked, not warmed up pop tarts or cold cereal. Dad got up one morning to use the men's room and came back to a made bed. "I didn't know you were up." Mom said. Dad looked from her to the made bed an back again with a quizical expression. "Oh, never mind, It's time to be up anyway." She stated.

If you weren't up by 6 a.m you'd open your eyes to the underside of a bedspread and have to call for help to be excavated from your sleeping palette. If she couldn't stay in bed neither could you, she had a tight schedule and no interfering with it.( I suspect she got to take a nap every day though, but I was never able to catch her in the act because that would mean skipping school.)

If she were still here dad would never have to go anywhere by himself. She was a faithful buddy. His time was her time. She was honored to be his wife. He supported her, took her away from a lonely life, got her out of the workforce and out of her mother's home and gave her children,(well that was the down side). She would attend every doctor's visit, sports game, veteran's of foreign war meeting and social event he went too without complaining. She even enrolled them in senior citizen activities. She had anticipated retirement with great eagerness for this type of diversion. No, dad wouldn't be sitting around the house for hours on end if mom were still here. There would be places to go, things to see, people to meet.

If she were still here I'm sure dad would be eating again. He had head and neck surgury 14 years ago and has a permanent feeding tube. I bet under her supervision and relentlessness he'd have relearned to swallow safely. Mom was hard core ignorant of medical advice. She followed her own instincts. Dad would be sitting down now to three squares a day instead of liquid being poured into a stomach tube. She didn't learn to cook for nothing. She would not waste her time in the kitchen to see canned food replace her efforts!(I must admit though, the canned foods probably have more seasoning.)

Yeah,(long sigh) if she were still here things would be differnent, or at least the same as they were before she left. The main thing though would be there would be no pain at Christmas time (she went to see Jesus the day before his birthday) as we are reminded another 365 days have gone on without her. It's true, life does go on, but it doesn't go on as smoothly.

Mom, we miss you, if you were still here I wouldn't have to say that.